Liz Murray has lived an incredible life. Drug addict parents. Homeless at 15. Went back to high school at the age of 18, finished four years of high school in two years, and then went to Harvard and is graduating in June this year with a degree in Pyschology. This is a woman who has overcome more obstacles in her teens than most people will ever overcome in their entire lives. Did I mention they made a Lifetime Movie about her?
Her presentation was incredibly compelling. To be honest, you have to see it for yourself. My transcript is below.
I was told there are 50,000 people watching and I am like “Hello.” Thank you so much for allowing me to be with you. I never intended to do any public speaing. I was the perso you would tote around as not the example. Before I was known as homeless to harvard I was a dropout in New York City. When Idecided to take charge, go back to school, and get my life together. I didn’t foresee this. I just knew I had to find other people who had also at some point given up on their lives. So in New York City I would call up high cools and rotary clubs Twenty or Thirty folks. To give a little bit of context they did a twenty twenty piece. When Barbara Walters is talking about you on prime time tv. I looked and realized that life was really urning out to be different. I soon after got a call from… I’ll never forget it… The vovey cfoundation and asking me to come to speak with them. I said I do plenty of public speaker I found myself in Utah and I was asked to come up on a stage where there were thousands of people haning out. I was asked to keep my timing precise. I was absolutely blown away. One thing led to the next and suddently there’s the lifetime television movie. Everything I’ve been driven by is this feeling inside of me I have to know if there are plenty of ood people who want to do great things why do we have to get in our own way? How can we identify what those blocks are and get past tehm?
I have been sort of obsessed with that question and this conversation. Maybe it’s like that saying you lead with your heart and the rest follows. Thank you for having me. As maybe some of you know have any of you seen the Homeless to Harvard. It’s the LIfetime network for Women. Haha Busted! I’m sure your wife left it on. Regardless, that was actually shot in halifax nova scotia. I’m from the Bronx in New York City. A little different.
I guess in order to build empowerment we have to look at what builds dismpowerment. I came up in this environment. Inner City Urban Ghetto. I grew up in a neihbourhood where everyone was on welfare. There was a ton of crime. I ended up in this environment. I grew up here with my parents. They had done the whole disco seventies lifestyle. The y used a lot of drugs. They’d partied a bit. They had wken up in this neighbourhood with these two girls. My sisters and I grew up in this aftermath. Everything about our parents drug addiction really set hte pace of our household.
They got high every day and so often. We saw them ake their welfare checks spend it on drugs, and get high. It was the theme of the way we lived together. I grew up watching them struggle. I got some big lessons from it. I learned what it is to survive and thought that was the best thing to do in your life. They would sell the elevision for $5 to the neighbour. Our mother actually sold the thanksgiving turkety because that’s the level of desperation that comes from addiction.
people look at me strangely when I share that. But if you’ve been around addiction you can see it consumea person. We had to learn how to feed ourselves. Our parents were completely consumed. We ran out of money for food. We made it work one way or another. We lived in a tenement building. You could knock on your neighbours doors. We didn’t get it. We were kids. We didn’t know it’s not how it’s supposed to be. The thing about living ihn this area wlefare only stretches so far. Our neighbours stop answering their doors.
Ever had a day where you haven’t eaten all dya? or two days? or three? You know it starts to tear at your stomach if you’ve had this experience. I remember thinking if I sleep I can’t be hungry. We’d eat ice cubes because it felt like we were eating . We split a tube of toothpaste once. No one was dealing with the bigger picture.
I’m asked alot about my anger towards peopl. I find it important to mention I grew up in this way. I want to be clear, what transforms a life. Actually, despite everything I’m telling you I had the experience that I was deeply loved by my parents. They were addicted and chose drugs over feeding us. We lied in filth. If you’ve seen addicioton up close you know what I mean. I remember seeing my parents getting high and thinking “She brought in $5. I’m going to yell at her she needs to feed us.” So I go over and I march over and I find out that she hasn’t eaten in 2 or 3 days. And I would go to my dad about a new coat and his sneakers are duct taped together.
What I’m getting at is people can’t give you what they don’t have. We make every tragedy about us and people trying to hurt us it’s the conversation of blame. I didn’t find much use for that. As a result I didn’t get angry at them for their drug use. I was sad, impacted in every way. I know what that sounds like. I have taken pyschology classes at harvard. I found out halfway through that the room was filled with pyschiatrists. I said I wasn’t angry and they started writing things down. Apparently I’m a time bomb and it’s very dangerous.
I don’t mean to make fun of them. But they came to me with statistics. I told them you can put whatever title behind your name that you want but you weren’t there. You weren’t there when I saw their suffering so terribly. Between their yschizophrenia. I got the hunch they weren’t running off to be better parents and then stick it to us. They can’t vive you what they don’t have.
There have been veenfits to growing up this way. I knew my life would be it’s own responsiblity. I didn’t feel owed. It didn’t come to me in the healthies way and I get that. I see that typically the attitude of independence. Or at least hta’s the beginning.
You should have seen me. They’re being dropped off at their families. I see my roommate. She’s being handed her life by her family. Her mother is putting vitamins in her droor. They’re crying. I went on the Oprah Winfrey show. Was there one case where you know you were different?
I don’t like to answer that question but it was Oprah. And I shard on the show and I went down to the basement and she was cleaning her clothing. And she’s crying because it’s the first time her mother hasn’t done launry. And she wipes her tears away. Listen, don’t judge people. Instead I laughed at us as people. About our tendency.
They introduce me saying I grew up in the darkets place on earth. And they’ll put one word in front of it. There putting one word in front of it like bad. But there are gifts in everything. If ou’re looking for them.
It has been a belssing for me to listen in the question of if there is no middleman, how do I create the things that I dream about. It’s been huge for me. I don’t regret a second of it.
but you know, that actually has been a huge key in surviing how I went along. sometimes things get worse before they get better. Our parents drug addiction eventually both of them contracted HIV. They got sick Mom was the first to go to the hospital. dad wound up in a shleter. My sister wound up in friends. I wound up with a group of street kids. Sometimes they had aparments. The majority of them lived on the steet. I would visit my mother in the hosital.
I dropped out of school. I’m not proud of the way I lived at this time. The thing is here I was, I had a bad experience of Foster care and didn’t consider it a resource. I found myself at fifteen years old sleeping on par benches. I knew in my heart that this was not for me. That’s what makes it so hard to talk about it. We can see the life we were meant to live. it doesn’t matter if you end up in a situation like I did. I had the instainct and the feeling htat I had inside me and I completely ignored it.
I was one of those people who are on the street that you walked away from. How long can you know there is something bigger for you and you ignore it. I really will reasess my carerer and relationshp health. When? Later. I just can’t because I’m busy right now. We’re so wrapped up in the moment. I pushed away school until later. I pushed it all away tiill later. When you push that away ou push away the most important things.I used to sit with my mother in the hospital for five hours. I was the one who visited her most. So I was responsible. I brought her the milkshake and the oldies and we’d sing songs together. I’d help her wash her hair. And clumps of my mothers hair would come out.
Anybody ever lose someeone to disease? And the bad days become more frequent. I love you, but I need to go. I treated her like later. I’ll get to that later too. I pushed her away so much. It was on Thanksgiving day. She wouldn’t eat. You know the Hospital gives you celebratory meals. So I said Mom I know I love you, I’ll be back later. I did not come back.
She passed away a month later. We buried her a month after Christmas. So they donated this pine box with serial numbers on it. They drew and arrow on her pine box.
Have you ever had an experience that has impacted you so deeply it changes the peopson you are. You try to tell people about it but sometimes words don’t do it. I was connectd to it. i was sure there was a later,but here was the pine box and there was no later. Theres something in this for me to realize and learn from. At first I wanted to cry and believe me I did.
I’m talking to you now bu I’m remembeing a dream I had last night. She gave me a gift. I swore I had al ater. I pushed it out s much. Have you heard that what a man can be he must be.
When she passedaway I thoguht I had all the time in the world. But when she wasn’t there in aynomre this thing changed in me. I hung out with my friends whom I love. ….
And I realized that the conversation I had created in my life was one of complaining. I was complaining and complaining. And I stood up and said “I don’t know where Im sleeping. I don’t have I don’t have I don’t have. Big Deal.”
What more needs to change? The next feeling that has been the biggest resource. You can pick one thing resentment or gratitude. I may not have my mother ever again. I ahd these resources. I had myself. I knocked onevery school tring to see who would interview me. I was dressed in Gothic clothes. I smellsed. ….
Stupid video cast keeps haning.
As long as you keep knocking someone will say yes. I got accepted to a school. I enrolled. I committed to straight A’s. It took on a specific question. It was What If. You know the ovoice that says What If I tried that much harder? What If I pushed one more time? My what if was what if I comitted to go to school, got the best grades, could I change my life? Is it possible? I enrolled in morning class, afternoon class, night school, independent study. I did anything it took. I enrolled in one full year per semester. I would come in every single day and used all the enrgy in my body to produce and get things done. That became my commitment. I stepped into that and I worked very hard. I quickly gained a 96 average. I was the top sttudent.
I hid from my teachers that I was homeless. I would do my homework by the hallway light and I’d wash my face in the sink. People always want to know did you eat from the garage. I;m totally find with answering them. But I want to share with you what changes my life. This is where the breakthrough was. If there is anything in your life that didn’t work out this is what holds us back. I would sleep in friends homes. I had an hour subway ride to get to my school in manhatten. I would step around my friends. I remember getting to the door and I would put my hand on the doorknob. Reading for the day. All that ahead of me. And I would be tempted to go back to sleep. I would be hit with that feeling. Yo know that feeling when the alarm clock goes off. maybe you’re in the buffet line and it’s vegetables or bacon. There’s the empowering coice ro the disempowering coice You’ve got to pick one.
Here’s what holds us back. I stood at the door knob and faced with the choice of empowerment or disempowerment. That’s the moment I wanted to feel sorry about myself. Just at the moment I had to come through with my commitment. When you’re faced with a tough choice you want to let yourself off the hook by reminding yourself about how hard your life is. You stand there saying “Lifes tough” and look what happened when I was five. And it would give me an excuse to be in the disempowered conversation. I could have woken up one of my friends. And they would agree with me.
You have to be careful where you get your agreement. Sure you’re off the hook we totally understand. A disempered conversation will look for blame and is concerned with the past. What happened before, it will count what’s not there. It searches for blame.
An empowered conversation is not interestedin blame. It says What’s next? It’s a willingness to see what’s next. I stood at that doorway and I knew that nothing in my history took away from that fact that I still have a choice. What changes a life? One empowered choice after another over time. I knew I had a choice. I stepped to that empowered choice, I crunched four years into 2. Ino one knew I was homeless at the school. At the end. The teacher I was so close with. He took the top 10 students to boston. We went to Harvard Yard. And I stood there I don’t know I don’t have the words. I t felt like a beautiful moment when you think something was above and beyond you. All you need to do is the work. And I stood there and realized I was qualified. I discovered that college was $40K a year. this was going to be a pinch. I happened upon this one scholarship. It’s called the Godwake. The critrea 12K a year every year. Please attach a brief autobiographical essay detailing any obstales you’ve overcome in my life.
I thoguht if they don’t give it to me I’d like to meet the person. I went from 3K applications to 21 finalists.I walked into Welfare to apply for food stamps. I walked an hour later into a harvard interview. So I went welfare harvard new york times. Welfare was the only thing that did not go well that day. The woman was being difficult wiht me. I left. I went to the Harvard interview. I did not realize how prestigious the New York Times. I walked in and everyone is hyperbentilating. They asked if I was hungry. I look and I’m like “yeah, I’m hungry” they say the whole try is up fro grabs. I walked my self to the new york times. But you know the lesson is in that? Sometimes when you don’t know what you’re not supposed to be able to do you will go ahead and do it. I did. 6 of us won the scholarship. On the cover of the metro section that had bill and hillary clinton. Liz graduated. it talked about my mother passing and my father being diagnosed. And at the end they quoted the woman in wlefare. Everything has changed. Life is beaitufl. I’m just filled with this feling of gratude.
You don’t have to be stuck in the situations you’re in. I fthere[’s soemthing in your life that’s hooolding you back, you have to identify what that is. In June 8th I will graduate from Harvard with a degree in Pyschology. My drea now is to open pathways to other people. I like to be with people. Listen closely. Identify it, and knock it out. I want each of us to get really clear on what it is. There is some vision you have for your life. Where are you for you vision and your career. There’s something going on in your heart. You kno in your heart and you’re so close to stepping into it.
Ask yourself what is it that’s been in my way and unlock that. All the things that my mother has taught me is life doesn’t wait for anyone. Your life isn’t later, it’s right now. I’d like to continue this conversation about empowerment. I would love to reach out to all of you in any way that I can. Ask yourself what if. Identify what’s in the way, and realize that Lfe doesn’t wait for anyone. Thank you so much for having me today.
50,000 people around the worrld just got blown away. Some of them are wiping away tears. You’ve been lifted up beyond belief. Dang girl. So what are you doing now?
I mentor people in new york and dream of having a family one day. Thank you.
Wow. Man. I;m going to bring John Maxwel back up here. that’s an impossible act to follow.